Time ticks on...

I went to lunch with my grandparents this morning. My grandma said that she was 29 with 3 kids, trying to finish college and the same thing happened to her. I couldn't imagine  trying to do college a divorce and kids all at once. Whenever I find it hard to do an assignment or focus in class, I just think of her trying to do it with three kids at home. I heard today of a girl who was married 17 years and her husband sent her a text message ending things. What is wrong with people? Why do humans treat each other so badly?

Sitting in class is hard. Analyzing marriage in class is even harder. Listening to my teacher say that most marriages are doomed is the hardest.Today in class, my teacher asked me. "DeAnna, why aren't you paying attention and why do you look so sad" I lost it in class and started crying and told her that I am going through a divorce and a marriage and family class is the most horrible class to be in right now. She felt really, extremely bad. Maybe ill get an A :) We learned about social exchange theory. How we all have a comparison level to which we base relationships on, and our expectations come from experiences. My husband is experiencing a life all around the world and is surrounded by people with careers and achievements. I am sitting at home, spending his money, and haven't even graduated college. According to social exchange  I was a cost to him and he was comparing me to all those other girls he was meeting. 

It's officially legally on paper started. The D word. Tonight we filed the paper work. Well he filed and I signed off that I have received everything. I was staring at him filling out paperwork so happily as if this was just a regular day. The more I stared at him, the more I realized what a little petty man he is. Not someone of good character by any means.I realized how little he really thinks of marriage or the commitment that comes with it. I never thought he was that good looking, I just thought his personality brought out his looks ya know? But the personality I once thought I loved is gone. He is a coward and a liar. Someone once asked me if I ever was worried about him trading me in because of his obsession with having everything new. I laughed years ago when I heard this. However, this morning when he told me he was thinking of getting an even bigger TV than the one he has, that thought came back into my head. He always has to have the new IPHONE, TV, Surround sound. Always looking for whats new, or whats to come. I should have known he wouldn't be satisfied with the same wife forever. He will always be looking for something shiny instead of polishing what he already has. In a way that makes me feel sorry for him. 

October 11,2012

I am now sitting outside of class. I have a paper due at 3:30, guess what the topic is? "Measuring satisfaction in a marriage.". I honestly had a hard time trying to start it. This semester is filled with papers like this. My friend Kristin really helped me out. She has been my life saver at school this semester. Filling in for me what I need to know, and what I have missed. We have most classes together and she has really helped me out. I met Kristin last year in the introductory class to our major. We found out we both wanted to be Child Life Specialist and we were both two of the "older" people in college so we hit it off right away. Today we were talking about a year ago. A year ago her whole family lived here and not they are all gone, and she is living alone. Something she never expected.  A year ago I had just found the beautiful house that I am now having to leave. I remember finding that house and falling in love with wooden staircase. I was so excited to decorate it for fall this year. I recently bought fall leaves and white lights that I was going to wrap down the banister. I wish I had money to keep the house. I loved that house.

Kristin and I decided to interrupt our studying and head to No anchovies to watch the baseball game.  I am going for the Giants, and she is going for the Reds. The score was 0-0 and as soon as we walked into the bar, Giants scored. Kristin decided she was cursed. When the bases were loaded for the giants I told Kristin that the guy at bat was going to hit a grand slam. And guess what?! He did! Kristen decided that hanging out at bars in the middle of the weekday, was not the best idea :) So we went back to studying on campus :)