Realizations

OCTOBER 2, 2012

9:17- laying in bed and realizing what I am not loosing out on in this marriage. My whole marriage I felt like I was treated like a kid at times, and not as an equal. My husband would get upset at me for doing something wrong. I always felt like I was going to be in trouble. Marriage shouldn't be like that. Life shouldn't be like that. My brother and his friend came over to move my couch downstairs. Its a huge, heavy couch. They accidentally cratched a little bit of paint on the wall. Walls that I painted no less. I told my husband what happened and that I would fix it tomorrow. Instead of just saying okay, accidents happen like most normal people he threw a fit about it. It brought me back to feeling like I was in trouble. I hate that. When he wrecked my car and drained 1,000 dollars from the bank, did I yell and throw a fit? No, because that's not how marriage or partnerships work. I hate that he makes me feel this way.Not anymore though. Amen to that. This song plays over and over in my head again.This is my song for him and the way he is acting about this divorce.

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

[Chorus:]

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/taylor_swift/cold_as_you.html ]
You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

[Chorus]
Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
So Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you, died for you

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Oh Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made

Now that I'm sittin here thinkin it all though
I've never been anywhere as cold as youMore lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/taylor_swift/#share