insomnia

October 4, 2012
What is it about 3:21 in the morning? This seems to be the new wake up time for my internal clock. I wake up feeling like i slept all night. Only to find out I have slept a few hours.Sometimes late at night, or early in the morning I guess it is, I find myself thinking about the future. It is so uncertain, its scary. So scary, but so exciting. I hate the thought of having children with anyone but my husband, and of course thinking of him dating again breaks my heart. I don't want to date again. I hate dating, I like the good stuff after dating when your not shy and scared and nervous and wondering what they are thinking. Of course I thought this marriage was the good stuff....so maybe dating again wont be so bad. I did get hit on today ( I think?) and that was actually a good feeling. Anna and I were talking and a guy's dog got off the leash and ran to us. He came over and got him and then were talked a little. He said "I hope to see you out walking more." But then I saw him walk to his house, and he has a mustang convertible. I don't like guys with convertibles. They are to...whats the word... feminine? Wannabe macho? I don't know, I just feel like cars say a lot about your personality. The next guy I date will have a huge truck. My ex has a little truck. I loved that thing. When he first got it we went driving around and went to dairy queen. He always promise we could go romping in the river in it. We never did. The whole time he had that truck he was thinking about leaving me and secretly unhappy. I can't grasp that, that he was unhappy. I just didn't see it. Nope, he wasn't as unhappy as he is saying. We had fun.