Life :)

What a good few weeks it has been. I am finally out of my house. I said goodbye to it on a cold morning when my beautiful fuscia flowers were blooming in the back yard. They bloomed just to say goodbye to me :) or I would like to think so anyway. I've spent a lot of the past few weeks going through all of my belongings and figuring out what I really need in life. I am downsizing from a walk in closet and two story house into a tiny cozy place. So a lot of stuff is being put into storage or donated. I have decided to donate everything from my past relationship. Well- Everything that wasn't burned :) And let my trash be someone else's blessing. It was hard to let some stuff go. But...I can't move forward with thinks that were once part of my love for someone else. I had a hard time donating a beautiful scarf from China. But then I remembered that China Is where my husband decided to stop loving me. And it was easy to get rid of. I now have only one thing that he ever gave me (besides my ring. Still haven't figured out what to do with that). I kept a book with a message he wrote. And I am going to hang on to it for awhile. And when I am ready. I will let that go too.

The past few weeks have been filled with friendships and love of my family. I realized the other day that I hadn't let myself be alone for quite some time. And I think that's good. I don't want to be alone quite yet. Although with the Lord walking with me and a lot of the time lately-carrying me. I know I am truly never alone. Today in church a song came in and the lyrics said "I'm running to your arms Lord". When I heard this I though of my happy place and pictured me as a little girl running into the arms of my Heavenly Father". It's a good place to be.
I have been taught that when we can't handle a situation or we are sad we are suppose to go to a happy place. My happy place is a place I dream about sometimes. Whenever I go to my happy place my grandma Beverly is there hanging laundry on the line or picking fruit in an orchard in a huge field with a giant mountain in the background. You may think I'm crazy
but it's what I picture Heaven to be like

I hung out with another guy today for the first time since the divorce. Not a date or anything. Just a guy who is a friend. And I felt so guilty like I was cheating on my husband and then. I realized: 1: I am divorced (almost)2:this guy is a friend and you are not even on a date 3: if it was a date it would be okay. I wonder when that feeling of being guilty or like i am cheating will go away. The whole time we were hanging out I found myself comparing him an everything he did to my ex. Is that normal?? I saw a tree with someone's initials carved into them and about lost it remembering that somewhere on Mt. Graham my initials are carved into a tree next to my ex husbands, but I held my composure. It's little things like that- they get me like a slap in the face and I never know when they are coming. I have learned it's okay to cry and heal like a normal person. my friend Sarah was crying so hard for me about my divorce and I told her to stop crying. She told me I don't always have to be so strong :). But sometimes I can't help it. I am just a tough stubborn cookie.

For halloween this year i was suppose to carve pumpkins with a friend but we are dorks and went to buy pumpkins on Halloween night. The whole city was sold out. We even called stores desperately trying to ind some. So Instead we made a girls night out of it an just chatted about life and love and everything in between. I also got a cute Halloween package from my aunt and got to wear my super awesome skull socks. Good choice aunt t. I am obsessed with skulls lately. Check out the awesome pumpkin my nephew made. That kid is the cutest! and on a side note... this week me and Kristin finally got our caps and gowns for graduation in December! Whoop! So excited!


Since its the beginning of the month. I wanted to make a new goals list:
-finish classes strong
-save money
-no soda,caffeine,alcohol
-finish uploading all pics to snapfish
-Be happy and thankful everyday!

Life is happening whether I am happy or not and I CHOOSE to be happy an surround myself with happy people. I love my life and my God and my friends and my family. I am learning new things and meeting new people and I really think I am starting to see life in a different way than ever before.