10,000 Pictures

So I am in the process of uploading all of my pictures on my computer onto snapfish, that way I can wipe my computer clean and give it away. I have all the pictures from 2007-now. I didn't think it would be that hard, but right now as I got to the year 2011 and I saw all of the pictures of me and ex-hole picking out our first home and furnishing it-was really hard. I remember when we got our front loading washer, we sat on the laundry room floor and just watched it, amazed at how little water it used. We did so many cute random things like that together. I hate seeing all of these pictures. I hate looking at his smile and wondering what he was thinking behind his fake smile.I just saw a picture of our Christmas tree in our first home nestled all snug in the corner of our staircase and it  made me tear up. I took all of the Christmas decorations when I left. I wonder if he will get his own Christmas tree this year. Probably not, decorating for the holidays was always my thing and what I got excited for. I never thought we had that many pictures, but as I am uploading them, I realized that we have a lot. Close to 10,000. 10,000 memories that will be forgotten  10,000 smiles, and pictures of a home that will never be ours. Part of the healing process is remembering. I have buried him in my mind and will not think of him or try to imagine what he is doing, what he is thinking...etc. but remembering memories is good. Its helping me heal. Helping me to remember one last time. I am slowly getting over the pain of this divorce. As strong as I am and try to be, there are hard days and days that I have a hard time getting out of bed. The other day I had to say to myself "get up and get going". Writing has really helped me get through it and some days I can go a day without thinking about it, other days are harder. I know that with time, I will be back to 100 percent. Although I do feel like this pain has fueled me in another way. I feel more energized to do good, be good, be a better friend and person. For that, I am grateful.