This weekend flew by. Started out in Safford on Thursday. Me and my best friend April decided to burn our wedding dresses. She has been divorced since May, and I am just going through it. We have been through everything together, and this was another one of those things that we had to do. My good friend Stephanie also went. She is one of my favorite people. She has a laugh that fills a room and she keeps me smiling through all of this. Mika came and its a good thing, we needed someone responsible there to supervise-love ya sister!
Everyone has been telling me to hold on to stuff from my marriage. I really don't understand WHY? Apparently the whole thing wasn't worth it to him, and he had been wanting out for awhile. Why do I want memories of that. Why hold on to things that I thought of as precious when saw them as nothing. I did save all my pictures to a flash drive in case I ever want to see them again. Other than that, everything is going. I know one day, when I have children they may wonder about the first man I fell in love with and what he looked like and what I looked like being young and in love, so those pictures are there, just in case.
Everyone has been telling me to hold on to stuff from my marriage. I really don't understand WHY? Apparently the whole thing wasn't worth it to him, and he had been wanting out for awhile. Why do I want memories of that. Why hold on to things that I thought of as precious when saw them as nothing. I did save all my pictures to a flash drive in case I ever want to see them again. Other than that, everything is going. I know one day, when I have children they may wonder about the first man I fell in love with and what he looked like and what I looked like being young and in love, so those pictures are there, just in case.
To fuel the bonfire was every rose he ever gave me, included with my wedding bouquet. A teddy bear he gave me for our first valentines day, and a few little mementos of our relationship were also destroyed. My aunt had given us a sign with our last name on it for our wedding. It was made of wood, so I figured it would be the perfect fire starter. Sorry Aunt T it was a beautiful sign! But I am no longer a Brown.
I know I am smiling in some of these pictures, but that doesn't mean I am super happy about doing this. It is just something I felt I had to do. I loved my wedding dress. I can still remember putting it on and getting butterflies and the fiasco of trying to lace it up. I remember dancing in it, and trying to go to the restroom in it, and now I don't have to look at it. Tonight I heard a George strait song called, Today My World Slipped away. And one of the lines said "We buried the plans that we made." I feel like this divorce is like burying what we had together. That whole song spoke to me. Leave it to George Strait to put my life into writing. :)
I know I am smiling in some of these pictures, but that doesn't mean I am super happy about doing this. It is just something I felt I had to do. I loved my wedding dress. I can still remember putting it on and getting butterflies and the fiasco of trying to lace it up. I remember dancing in it, and trying to go to the restroom in it, and now I don't have to look at it. Tonight I heard a George strait song called, Today My World Slipped away. And one of the lines said "We buried the plans that we made." I feel like this divorce is like burying what we had together. That whole song spoke to me. Leave it to George Strait to put my life into writing. :)
The next morning we went to the Fair parade. The fair was the same, the crowd was not. It was the first time I had gone to a parade with my niece and nephew. They were hilarious. Kayden thought the band was the best and was so excited his waving to them looked more like a dance. Kyla thought everything was loud and she kept saying 'it scares me".
Saturday I had my training for Tu Nudito Childrens Services. I am going to be working with children who are experiencing grief and loss, or are going through some kind of illness themselves. I am so excited to be working there and I'm sure it will be one of those experiences where you learn more from the kids than they learn from you, love those kinds of experiences. We got to sit in on a real group session. The kids are so resilient and so deep when talking about death, I was shocked. They use play therapy to help them heal. I think that this is one of the best ways for children to learn to get through the grieving process.
Last night I met up with Cara for coffee, which turned into dinner, which let into a movie night which was pretty awesome :) We watched the movie the secret. Its all about how we have the inner power to bring positive things into our life and how by being positive we can attract good. It really made a lot of sense, but at the same time I was careful not to mistake that power for the power of faith and trusting that God will provide us with what we need. I really o think it was cool when they talked about a vision board and visioning what you want to see in your life. I know for a fact that this works. When I was in high school, I made a bucket list of things I wanted to do or have in my life, I kept that list hanging in my room until I graduated high school. I found this list a few months ago in a box my mom gave me that had been in storage. Here are some things from the list that I had done....without even thinking about it....
Last night I met up with Cara for coffee, which turned into dinner, which let into a movie night which was pretty awesome :) We watched the movie the secret. Its all about how we have the inner power to bring positive things into our life and how by being positive we can attract good. It really made a lot of sense, but at the same time I was careful not to mistake that power for the power of faith and trusting that God will provide us with what we need. I really o think it was cool when they talked about a vision board and visioning what you want to see in your life. I know for a fact that this works. When I was in high school, I made a bucket list of things I wanted to do or have in my life, I kept that list hanging in my room until I graduated high school. I found this list a few months ago in a box my mom gave me that had been in storage. Here are some things from the list that I had done....without even thinking about it....
-Live in NYC ( I always knew that was where I wanted to go)
-Dye my hair black (I did this one crazy night in NYC and died it back the next day :)
-go skydiving (Honeymoon present from husbands parents)
-get married at 23 (Ok that's just weird that I really did get married at 23)
-write a children's book ( I have written a few, just haven't had the guts to show anyone)
-Go to Europe
-buy a house
-get a tattoo
-work with children
-meet a famous person
-One weird one that I had, and received was to have an old fashioned coat rack (dont ask why I wanted that cause I don't know)and I found one at my parents church, and they said I could have it-years after I had written that list and buried it in storage.
There were a lot more on the list, some that I had done, a few that I haven't, and some that I am wondering if I still even want. Divorce wasn't on that list though. That's for sure. I also wanted a baby at 25. And now, not even close. But my visions are now changing as my life is changing, so here's part of my new list of what I want to come
-graduate college
-buy a house
-learn spanish
-save $50,000
-publish one of my children's books
-Get a puppy
-Go to the Ellen show
-get a red jeep wrangler
-Enjoy being single! and learning to date as a "grown up"
Some smaller things...
-Spend more time in Safford
-invite more friends to church
-LIVE everyday, like there's no tomorrow ;)
-Get a tattoo
I have the most beautiful view from my back porch...I'm gonna miss it
So sad to see that sign burning...
ReplyDeletebut SO HAPPY to see you letting go...
little by little...
and moving ON...
to a BEAUTIFUL future BRAVE GIRL!!!
I love you SO MUCH!!!