Goodbye 2012

I'm laying awake not able to sleep tonight and all I can think about is how badly I want to go fishing. I love the silence of fishing and the sport of it. It's so peaceful and relaxing and being outdoors is good for me. I just wish I could forget problems and go fishing That's where life is easy.

I found out some stuff about exhole this weekend that really bothered me. Basically stuff I knew in my heart was true all along prove to be true. I am mostly just bothered that I was fooled. Yesterday my friend Ashley said that I only ever see the good
In people and that's why I always get fooled and screwed over. I want to believe that everyone is good and there isn't hate in people. Unfortunately people have a lot more bad in them than I thought. I don't understand how you could love someone. Marry them and then under their nose be the biggest snake and vindictively try to hurt them in every way possible- especially when all I ever did was love. I had a chance to leave my ex a month before we were getting married. Another guy said he hated Exhole so bad and thought he was a snake and said he knew I was making the wrong choice. He said he could tell why kind of person he really was and that I should leave. Of course I didn't though because when you are young and in love you follow your heart. I don't regret anything from my marriage because I know that I did nothing but love and be a good wife,friend and person. I loved everyday and would have worked on a marriage because I believe that a marriage is something you don't give up on. I know from majoring in family studies that the two years are the hardest and thats when most people leave. Next time around i marry a guy with integrity and character...someone who knows the value a marriage and a vow. What i have learned though is that it takes two people to get married and only one to end a marriage

With the new year coming I am looking back on the past year and what I have learned,how I have grown and the relationships I have experienced.

Thoughts from the year and things I have learned:
-don't marry a guy who travels for work
-make your own money and don't rely on anyone-even if you are married. Set up your own account. Have your own funds and be in control of your finances.
-it is possible to find love after heartache...this is a tricky one. But I am lucky to be blessed with a big heart and even luckier that there is a guy with an amazing heart - even if things weren't to work out- im thankful for him
-you really do find out who will be there for you during tough times- and you find out who wont be there. I'm thankful that my divorce strengthened so many friendships
-I don't think my ex is a bad person for divorcing me. People get divorced all the time. I think he is a bad person for the way he did it and the way he was plotting it for so long in order to screw me
-you find out how strong you can be during trials. And it's really exciting to see possibilities in life
-karma really does exist
-I didn't learn this because I have always known it. But trusting in God and having faith puts you at ease. I just need to remember to let go and let God a little more often
-I always loved being a hopeless romantic and I really thought the divorce would shatter that. But I know that being a hopeless romantic means no matter what situation I am
In I will find love and Romance. As much as I wish I was logical and looked at love from every angle(to avoid heartache)- I Love jumping in and being head over heels. Now I just have to make sure I find a guy as crazy about being in love as I am. They say the greater the capacity for love. The bigger the heartache. I would rather have a big love story thy ends in heartache...than to settle for mediocre.



Since September 20 which was when my ex dropped the bomb. I have aged and grown more than most people do in years. I have been stronger than I thought I could be and I have learned a lot about myself. I have also learned about people. I have seen how much of a blessing life is when you turn bad into good and give to God- since the divorce and giving to God I have found an awesome job making way more money than I ever have hadwhen i was married. I graduated and passed my classes. As hard as it was to focus on school..I did it. I became a volunteer worker at church and got involved with an awesome group of girls. I have a better work ethic and i am so much more energized and happier- If I was married this semester and didn't experience what I did- I may have never branched out and realized some amazing things about myself.

I am really good of letting go and forgetting about stuff. I was hiding onto one last thing from my marriage. A book that meant a lot to me. I decided to let that go today.... I now have nothing from my marriage or my past with him and I am carrying over to the new year nothing from the past with him.

I am so ready for 2013. I am excited to see what I am writing about and looking back on in a year from now. I have a feeling it's going to be the best year yet

Goals for the year;
-bump my savings acct up to $20,000
-get a house
-road trip with sister
-finish my book
-internship at hospital or grad school- wherever The Lord leads me :)
-Do a half marathon (Ashley we better start training!)
-white water rafting with dad
....I'll write more as they come:)